please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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