Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
