i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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