What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
