you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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