too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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