apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
