Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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