so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
