My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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