thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
