the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
