Got a toothbrush?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
