I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
