Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
