I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
