Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
