Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
