do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
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you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president