I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
