Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy