So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
