Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
