the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
