Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
