You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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