it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
