remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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