Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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