Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
