The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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