Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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