I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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