From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
