Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
