Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
