I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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