I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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