Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
