Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just puked most of my soul out..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
