apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
