Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
