SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
