It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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