Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
