they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
