Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
