No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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