I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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