your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
