I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
