OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
