Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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