Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
