There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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