what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
