Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Damn victory sex feels great
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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