so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
