I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Sacagawea was the original milf.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
