When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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