I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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