oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
