So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize