she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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