guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
