i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
