someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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