I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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