So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
