singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Vodka?
Forever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can't turn off my feet"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
