ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
