Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
