He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
