So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just invented taco cereal.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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