Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
