theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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