My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize