Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
