This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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